Yale 250

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Frost Titan

Yale 250

Post by Frost Titan » Fri Jun 12, 2020 4:12 pm

This was cut down from an earlier attempt at a personal statement. Idk if I have a snowball's chance at Yale, but I might as well apply now that I have what I hope is a serviceable 250. Would appreciate others' thoughts. Please do not quote large portions.
Spoiler:
The AUSA toed the line: Michael (not his real name) was charged with a gun crime, therefore posed a danger to the community, and the evidence against him—body-cam footage of his arrest especially—was strong. But the public defender raised points I had not heard before. Michael was the only source of support for his girlfriend and their two children. He had other family, here in [City], who could facilitate house arrest to keep him out of jail. Those family members sat in the courtroom that day, fifteen feet from me, and I felt their optimism spread. Then, like 90% of the arraignments I watched that winter, the judge opted for pretrial detention.

I sighed, fixed some typos on my laptop, and headed into the hallway, where I saw something else new in my stint as for [Nonprofit]. Michael’s girlfriend and mother hugged, crying, as they came to terms with the fact that he would be jailed for months and then, in all likelihood, enter a guilty plea that would see him imprisoned for over a decade.

By the time I got to the elevator I felt bitter tears on my own face. I thought about Michael’s children, who were at school that day. I thought about the afternoons I’d come home from school to learn my mother was back in the hospital or rehab. I thought about the morning we lost her forever. Since that hearing, I try to keep sight of the human cost to my choices.

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pancakes3
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Joined: Thu Jan 25, 2018 3:00 pm

Re: Yale 250

Post by pancakes3 » Fri Jun 12, 2020 4:35 pm

good start but (1) you not stating why you were witness to this is distracting; and (2) the implication that criminal justice is your raison detre for LS doesn't resonate for me. like, i *get* what you're trying to say, but it's just kind of meh. i have hard time empathizing with the emotions that you felt in bearing witness is compelling because the bulk of my empathy is being led to the other people you described (mother, girlfriend, kids) who experienced a deeper emotional impact.

Frost Titan

Re: Yale 250

Post by Frost Titan » Fri Jun 12, 2020 4:40 pm

pancakes3 wrote:
Fri Jun 12, 2020 4:35 pm
good start but (1) you not stating why you were witness to this is distracting; and (2) the implication that criminal justice is your raison detre for LS doesn't resonate for me. like, i *get* what you're trying to say, but it's just kind of meh. i have hard time empathizing with the emotions that you felt in bearing witness is compelling because the bulk of my empathy is being led to the other people you described (mother, girlfriend, kids) who experienced a deeper emotional impact.
Thanks for this; all makes sense. The answer to (1) ended up on the cutting-room floor to get to 250 words and (2) is the reason this wasn't working as a PS. I think I need to reorganize/rebuild a bit more radically if this is going to work.

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