Search found 8 matches

by Pickles312
Mon Oct 26, 2020 6:36 pm
Forum: Personal Statements
Topic: Alright, is this a decent start for a personal statement? [Update]
Replies: 12
Views: 1106

Re: Alright, is this a decent start for a personal statement? [Update]

Thank you again for the help! I fixed the stuff about my grandmother's house/my house. I meant to say my grandmothers house and confused things at some point. I also removed the grandfather part and integrated it into one statement - I agree it had really no place in my essay looking back on it. It ...
by Pickles312
Sun Oct 25, 2020 6:15 pm
Forum: Personal Statements
Topic: Alright, is this a decent start for a personal statement? [Update]
Replies: 12
Views: 1106

Re: Alright, is this a decent start for a personal statement? [Update]

Alright. One last draft post in case anyone's interested. After some time away with midterms and other application parts, I've got this. [Removed for Privacy] I took all of the advice from here and also tried to clean up the phrasing and language a bit (though in some cases I might have made it wors...
by Pickles312
Mon Sep 28, 2020 10:37 pm
Forum: Personal Statements
Topic: Alright, is this a decent start for a personal statement? [Update]
Replies: 12
Views: 1106

Re: Alright, is this a decent start for a personal statement? [Update]

Thank you both so much! I'm going to take your advice and make some more adjustments, but I'm feeling a lot more confident in what I have now. I really appreciate the help!
by Pickles312
Sun Sep 27, 2020 12:30 pm
Forum: Personal Statements
Topic: Alright, is this a decent start for a personal statement? [Update]
Replies: 12
Views: 1106

Re: Alright, is this a decent start for a personal statement? [Update]

Alright, I came up with a second draft. It probably still doesn't quite get where I need it to be, but I'm hoping it's a start. Only the second half is noticeably changed. I tried to steer the thesis away from guilt and my high school actions. Instead, I tried to focus on how I've been able to grow ...
by Pickles312
Tue Sep 22, 2020 6:45 pm
Forum: Personal Statements
Topic: Alright, is this a decent start for a personal statement? [Update]
Replies: 12
Views: 1106

Re: Alright, is this a decent start for a personal statement? [Update]

Thank you both for the advice! I agree on the thesis change pancakes. I think you're right that I need to frame it as less of a complete flip flop. I will continue to brainstorm how to better alter my tone in the second half and focus on myself. You bring some good ideas Nixon, and they will be help...
by Pickles312
Sat Sep 12, 2020 9:45 am
Forum: Personal Statements
Topic: Alright, is this a decent start for a personal statement? [Update]
Replies: 12
Views: 1106

Alright, is this a decent start for a personal statement? [Update]

I ended up writing drafts of each of the two personal statement topics I posted on here a couple of weeks ago. After review, the divorce one, while perhaps more interesting, felt a little too much like complaining and a little too distant and irrelevant. So I I've started to prioritize the second on...
by Pickles312
Fri Sep 04, 2020 1:42 pm
Forum: Personal Statements
Topic: Could either of these be decent personal statement topics? Or are they just generic sob stories?
Replies: 7
Views: 658

Re: Could either of these be decent personal statement topics? Or are they just generic sob stories?

Why not combine both? Start with the first story and tie it into the second. I know you have only 2 pages, but I there are enough narrative similarities that I think it could work. Something like —> when I was 9/10 I found my voice through this experience and it shaped my values —> then those value...
by Pickles312
Thu Sep 03, 2020 1:05 pm
Forum: Personal Statements
Topic: Could either of these be decent personal statement topics? Or are they just generic sob stories?
Replies: 7
Views: 658

Re: Could either of these be decent personal statement topics? Or are they just generic sob stories?

i think you sketched out the bones of two pretty great PS's, and also you shouldn't diminish your life experiences because they're vanilla (mostly because they aren't). i think the second one makes for a better PS for the reason you mentioned: hard to tie in a life lesson learned when you were 9 ye...